On Enduring Bonds and Lobster Boils
Some reflections on a long overdue weekend and four dozen oysters.
There’s a quote I like: “One does not make friends; one simply recognizes them.1”
I’m amazed, every time I think of it, how true it is. I’m thankful to have recognized a few friends over the years, and for each of them, from the very start, our relationships have felt previously established, dynamics preordained. As always, the universe seems to have a way of connecting the right dots.
Last weekend, Mrs. CWD and I hosted one of these friends2 for a long overdue get together. Roommate CWD, MPP and his wife, Mrs. Roommate CWD, MPP, were kind enough to make the trek up from Connecticut to join us on the ranch3. As RCWD and I were brainstorming the weekend agenda, he texted me “We should cook something extravagant.”
Again, one doesn’t make friends: one simply recognizes them.
I threw out a handful of options, ranging from a pig roast to paella over an open fire to a classic barbeque before finally settling on lobsters and oysters4. Classic New England fare. Much like crabs, lobsters are a truly communal experience. To sit next to someone, hearing them crack shells, feeling the splatter of meat, walking away smelling like the sea — you need to be comfortable with your dining party. Nothing brings people together like food5, of course, and when you have those pre-existing bonds, shared memories, a history — well, food can only forge them stronger.
As we continued to refine the plans, RCWD reminded me that the weekend should be “great fodder for CWD,” and that “everything is content.” Perhaps he said this facetiously — I wouldn’t blame him if he did6 — but he had a point. I responded that this is probably a good opportunity to “get a little sentimental” and “[pontificate] on friendship, enduring bonds.” “A nice photo essay7,” maybe.
He replied with a quote from Great Expectations8:
Pause you who reads this, and think for a moment of the long chain of iron or gold, of thorns or flowers, that would never have bound you, but for the formation of the first link on one memorable day.
I’m thankful for that memorable day in Medford9, that formation of the first link. As much as I like to play the curmudgeon, our lives are infinitely enriched by friendship, by spending time with others. And it’s been especially wonderful to see these chains elongated, watching them grow, evolve. And while RCWD and I certainly didn’t put down as many ‘Gansetts as we would have a decade or so ago10, we still managed to have a good time11.
What follows is roughly how we made the lobsters. If you’re going to try to replicate this meal, make sure you have a big ol’ pot or two and a powerful burner. I’d recommend being a bit discriminatory in where you buy your lobsters — you want them certainly alive and healthy when you get them. Boiling is the classic way to go, but steaming is also an option — or even grilling. I won’t try to tell you how to shuck an oyster12 — but I highly recommend grabbing a couple dozen to warm up your appetite beforehand.
Bring a large pot of water, well-salted and augmented with some seaweed if you have it, to boil. This should taste like the sea13. Once the water reaches a rolling boil, add a few ears of corn, a pound or two of potatoes, a halved onion or two, several cloves of smashed garlic, a few knobs of ginger, and some lobsters14. Cover the pot and cook for 12-15 minutes, until the lobsters are bright red and the potatoes pierce easily with a fork.
Drain and dump onto a well-covered table — eating together, communally, with your hands.
There you go. Lobster boil. It’s worth noting that this is a bit of a mashup of a traditional New England lobster feast, a Low Country boil, and Maryland-style crabs. It’s inspired by Brad Leone’s “Old Bay Lobster” recipe from Field Notes for a Food Adventure, but we improvised a bit along the way. With good ingredients like these, it’s hard to go wrong. I’d recommend giving this a shot, cooking outdoors15. Just make sure to check the weather, so you’re not forced to sprint indoors midway through the first claw!
Whether or not you indulge in a seafood feast this weekend, try to make it a point to check in on your friends and family. Even the strongest bonds can wear — it’s your responsibility to give them a once over every so often, repairing and reforging when needed.
I’ll leave you there — drink some water, text your friends, and get outside. We’re nearing the Summer Solstice, only a few more days of more and more sunlight. Take advantage of it!
Since I first saw this quote, embedded in The Lions of Kandahar, I’ve tried to track down it’s origin. The best I can find is from the “Sunshine Magazine,” which appears to be a 1940s, proto-Reader’s Digest, full of pithy quotes and short prose. I choose to ignore this fact, since the source doesn’t do the quote justice.
A pair, really.
Big thank you, by the way — since the idea of traveling with our pack of beautiful savages can be sometimes daunting.
We had four dozen oysters in total, two dozen from Connecticut and two dozen from Massachusetts. While it’s hard to complain about a good oyster, we all agreed the MA ones were the better choice.
We’ve, similarly, already written about this experience with oysters.
What kind of self-indulgent person writes a newsletter, anyway? Keep your dumb ideas to yourself!
I’d be remiss not to thank RCWD, Mrs. RCWD (who is vying for the top reader position — watch out, Decline!), and Mrs. CWD for their photodocumentary skills. I certainly did not produce as much visual content for this piece as they did!
Which I haven’t read since high school. What I remember most about the book is having Microsoft Word crash just as I was finalizing a chapter by chapter book report on it — one of the first times I felt the devastation of not saving consistently. Whoever invented autosave is a genius.
And all the other days like it, with all my other memorable friends.
Nor did we get a Father’s Day tie for buying a case! I should probably look through my closet to see if I still have any… what a tremendous tradition.
I’m already planning the menu for the next go around — with a few more friends we’ve recognized along the way.
This is a pretty good guide, but I prefer to have the oyster placed on the table, hand on top. One too many trips to the ER for a sliced thumb to risk the bottoms-up approach. I also find you can get more leverage this way — see the pictures for an example.
Some folks swear by using actual seawater, from the sea. Never tried it that way, but I can’t see it not working.
They should be still alive when you drop them in — or pierced with a chef’s knife through the head, just before. RCWD mentioned that this is, for many people, as close as you’ll come to “eating with eyes wide open” as you’ll get — with your dinner still living moments before you eat it. Remember that, honor that — and try not to make too light of it!
Even better if you can do it over a bonfire on the beach!
Best post, yet (though I am biased). Honored to be Mrs. Roommate CWD, MPP. You also seemed to leave out the salmon as part of this lobster boil. Weird... :)
Love this week's commentary! How true.... and so happy you were able to reunite for a weekend, eating and drinking and sharing memories and making new ones, with Mr. and Mrs. CWD, MPP.
How I wish I were there, if only for the meal, although I adore Mr. and Mrs. CWD, MPP and might have even drunk a 'Gansett, just because.
Two memorable quotes come to mind after reading your words about friendship--
"The difference between our friends and our enemies is this: Our friends love us in spite of our faults, and our enemies hate us in spite of our virtues." and "Genuine friendship is like sound health; its value is seldom known until it is lost."
That being said, I must drink more water.
Love you, and Happy Father's Day to a wise and wonderful daddy.