The 2023 CWD Holiday Gift Guide

On not getting anything you need

A few weeks ago, I railed in the footnotes about Christmas Creep. How before you’ve even had a chance to toss your jack-o-lantern into the compost heap, you’re getting wrapped up in Christmas wreaths and decked in holly. Here we are, hardly having finished the Thanksgiving leftovers, and already we’ve missed out on 90% of the holiday shopping opportunities¹. The commercialization of Christmas, of Hannukah, of the entire month of December² seems to be entirely complete.

Yet, like it or not, it’s the time for giving gifts. And, since I’m a dutiful newsletter author, I’m at this point in the year obligated to provide the Annual CWD Gift Guide. Of course, presents aren’t the proverbial “reason for the season,” but it is always nice to get something special. There’s a great line in Robert Ruarc’s classic, The Old Man and the Boy, where the narrator describes his family’s philosophy on gift-giving:

One of the great things I remember about the grown-ups who raised me was that when Christmas came around they never gave me anything I needed. By “needed” I mean to say I knew a kid next door who was always getting something worthy, like a new pair of shoes or a school suit, which may be practical and fine economy, but I never saw any romance in a roof on a house, A house belongs to have a roof, and is not supposed to get one for Christmas. When a boy gets a school suit or a new pair of shoes, they aren’t a gift. They’re a roof on a house.

I love this sentiment. For birthdays, for holidays³, I hope to never get anyone something that they need⁴. When giving presents, it should always be something special, something with some romance. So, with that in mind, the goal of this year’s gift guide is to have it filled with perfectly needless items⁵.

Let’s be useless⁶.

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1. Rite in the Rain Top Spiral Notebook. Call me old fashioned, but I like taking notes on paper. The act of writing things down lends an air of permanence, even for the most ephemeral of thoughts. While I’m a sucker for the classic Moleskine and love Field Notes, lately I’ve taken a liking to the top spiral notebook from Rite in the Rain. You can, as the name suggests, write in them in the rain, and the pages are waterproof, mudproof, whatever-you-can-throw-at-them-proof. I keep mine (along with #5 below) in my center console, using it to jot down my thoughts while sitting in traffic⁷. ($5)

2. CWD Branded Work Gloves. Last year, Gma CWD was kind enough to get me a brand. Rather than using it to identify my herd of (non-existent) cattle⁸, I’ve been using it to make custom gloves and hats for CWD friends and family. If you’re an annual subscriber⁹, you’ll already have gotten something in the mail, but now we’re opening up the shop to everyone! ($25+)

3. Smoky Mountain Bow Knife. If you’ve taken Uncle Steady’s advice and been making your own sourdough, you’ll know slicing it is the hardest part¹⁰. When Mrs. CWD and I were in Maine last month, I saw these bone saw-style bread knives for sale. Unfortunately, the place in Maine was out of stock, so we’re waiting until next time we’re in Damarascotta to pick one up — but if you can’t wait that long, this looks like a very viable option. ($30)

4. Cookin’ Pellets Apple Mash Pellets. If you’ve, as I’ve suggested in years past, picked up a pellet smoker, do that. But if you have — or whoever you’re buying a gift for has one — then you can step up your game with these pellets. They’re what I use for our Thanksgiving smoked turkey — which always gets raved reviews — and would work equally well for any poultry or pork dish. Slight sweetness from the apple mash, low ash, clean burn. What’s not to like? ($40)

5. Nocs Provisions Zoom Tube Monoculars. This is a fun little monocular you can keep in your center console, so when you’re out driving and think maybe you see a nice buck on the wood line of a field, you can pull over and actually check, instead of craning your neck out the window trying not to disrupt traffic. Your wife will thank you — trust me. ($75)

6. Mossy Oak Companions Bowman Barn Coat. I’ve got a lot of jackets. Waxed jackets, puffy jackets, shirt-jackets, rain jackets, ski jackets — but one jacket I don’t have is a Bottomlands Camo barn jacket I can throw when I’m trying to be functional and utilitarian, but also not be seen by turkeys. Plus, I’m a sucker for camo, as you should all know by now. ($120)

7. Montana Knife Company Cutting Board. I’ve been eyeing the Speedgoat for awhile now, but find it hard to justify buying myself another knife just because it looks cool¹¹. Instead, a much more practical piece from MKC is their cutting board, which is hefty enough to hold up to whatever cuts of meat you can throw at it — even wild game. ($120)

8. GORUCK Sand Tombstone. I love to do dumb stuff¹². I also like to workout in strange and — to some — masochistic type ways. I’ve been a fan of GORUCK for almost a decade now — their rucksacks have gotten me through countless hikes and training sessions and I keep one of their sandbags around in our basement just for kicks. This 100 pound sand tombstone seems like a very useful item to have around as well. ($185)

9. Le Chameau Chasseur Boot. Much like coats, I have a lot of pairs of boots. But I' don’t have a pair that will make me feel like a gamekeeper in the British Uplands and I reckon that you don’t either. Here’s a way to rectify that. ($499)

10. North Bridger Bison Quarter Bison. I prattle on and on about getting closer to your food, about eating with eyes wide open — but Matt at NBB is fully immersed in this philosophy. He talks the talk and walks the walk¹³. Short of harvesting your own meat, this is about as close as you can get to what you’re putting on your plate. The fact that this is likely the finest tasting meat you can buy makes this purchase a no-brainer¹⁴. ($775+)

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There you go — a holiday gift guide. Perhaps this is two weeks too late, with Black Friday and Cyber Monday being long since past — but really, who remembers to buy things when they’re on sale anyway?

With that, I’ll let you get shopping. Enjoy your weekends, drink plenty of water, and don’t forget to double-check your holiday card mailing list. We’re cruising toward the end of the year. Make it count.

1. At least that’s what the online advertisements would have you think.

2. And much of November, really.

3. Nearly one in the same for Kiddos CWD.

4. Except for maybe the time I got Mrs. CWD a Sonicare toothbrush for her birthday — not that she “needed” it, though, since she still did brush her teeth!

5. I’m reminded often of the story of my great-grandfather, who, for Christmas received an orange. This, in the small village of Avdella, was something special. It functioned as a ball, a doll, the peel a puzzle, each slice a treat. The enjoyment of this orange lasted for weeks. When’s the last time you received a gift that good?

6. These gifts, really, though, are not useless!

7. Somehow that feels safer than using the notes app on my phone.

8. Though, maybe, goats are in the future — right, Mrs. CWD!?

9. Thank you, again, to those who have subscribed at a paying tier. Your support means a lot — and next year’s subscriber gift is even better!

10. Besides, ya know, making it.

11. And it’s perennially out of stock.

12. This article on misogis remains one of my all-time favorite pieces of writing.

13. I’ve gotten to know Matt a little bit over the last year since we ordered our half bison from him and am honored to be able to call him a friend. You’ll often hear folks telling you that you should “shake your rancher’s hand” — I’m stoked to be able to do that one day with Matt… and that when I finally do, he might even be wearing those aforementioned CWD gloves!

14. Or, if meat is too close to a “roof” in your mind, you could also go with one of these sweet bison skulls.