On Resolutions

Kindness; security and confidence.

I read something the other day: “Kindness brings security; security brings confidence.” I like that and have been thinking about it since¹.

I’ve been thinking about it specifically in regard to parenting, was thinking about it the other morning as I lay in bed with Kiddo and the Warthog sandwiched between Mrs. CWD and me. Kiddo, you see, has taken to letting herself out of her room in the morning. She has a nightlight that turns blue when it’s time to wake up, and until recently, that change in hue signaled her to call out for either “MOMMY!” or “DADDY!” to come get her. But after a special holiday dispensation to wake-up Gma and Papa, she’s now taken the liberty to, around 6:47am, gather up her pillow and blanket and stuffy and quietly open the door to her room to pitter-patter down the hall to where Mrs. CWD is still asleep.

I hear this as I am in the kitchen, unloading dishes and trying to get things organized for the morning. I had nearly finished making coffee when I heard Kiddo’s footsteps, so I meet her at the top of the stairs. She, still half-asleep, opens the door to the bedroom, and climbs into bed, shoeing Doggie CWD out of the way, shoving aside my pillow and replacing it with hers, quickly making herself comfortable adjacent to the Warthog — who, afflicted with a stuffy nose and wailing at 5:20am, had to be carefully placed atop a still sleeping Mrs. CWD shortly after I awoke to work out. Still clothed, sweat mostly dried, what can I do but get in next to them.

So I lay there listening to the soft breathing of two kids and a dog and a wife and I think to myself that these are the moments that I should be cherishing. I have on my phone a million snapshots of the kids in all manner of funny positions, smiling or laughing or covered in mud or cake and frosting or ice cream or marker or who-knows-what, but there are also memories that are best left unrecorded. Because, sooner than I’d like, Kiddo won’t want to cuddle on her own accord and the Warthog won’t be soothed simply with a quiet embrace. Sooner than I’d like I won’t have to lift the covers to make room for Doggie next to my feet. These moments are fleeting and priceless and worth holding tight.

So I remind myself to remember these moments when things are not calm or serene or pleasant, when a shoulder or a hug or a kiss can’t calm the tempest of emotions swirling inside these developing minds and bodies. And I remind myself that when I’m on the brink of losing my own patience, kindness — not outbursts or escalating tantrums or simmering rage — is what leads to security, what leads to confidence.

And, really, what more is a parent meant to do than instill confidence in his children? The confidence to take risks, to make mistakes, to taste success on her or his own terms, to learn from failures without getting disparaged or disheartened. Confidence — which is not cockiness — is what allows children to find success, wherever they choose to seek it. And it’s kindness that is responsible for igniting that.

I’m not really one for resolutions in the new year. I’d prefer to lead a life of radical action — making changes in real time based on the demands of my own evolving moral code. But, I will make one exception this year. I resolve to be more kind, to bring more security to those I hold close in my life, to inspire more confidence.

And I hope I can also encourage you to do the same.

We’ll see you back here next week with a recipe and our regular programming.

1. If that’s something you wrote or shared, please let me know, because I can’t for the life of me remember the source.